


The Chaotic Chaise: When love(making) goes awry

by Canttouchthis



Category: Bridgerton (TV), Bridgerton Series - Julia Quinn
Genre: F/M, Furniture, Horror, Oral Sex, Ridiculous, Smut, Smut Horror Crack, Violence, seriously this is ridiculous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-18 19:55:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28623669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Canttouchthis/pseuds/Canttouchthis
Summary: Where the chaise went, death and destruction followed. Of course, Daphne and Simon don’t believe in such nonsense.A completely ridiculous story of lust and horror.
Relationships: Daphne Bridgerton/Simon Basset
Comments: 8
Kudos: 48





	The Chaotic Chaise: When love(making) goes awry

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to [ThusAtlas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThusAtlas/pseuds/ThusAtlas) for the typo that made this fic a reality. 
> 
> And thanks of course to [Melanoradrood](https://archiveofourown.org/users/melanoradrood/pseuds/melanoradrood) for inspiring/enabling me.
> 
> This is graphic and ridiculous. You've been warned.

Daphne was reading on that wretched red chaise again, her hands holding a book so daintely Simon wondered how it was the novel didn’t simply fall to the ground. From the hallway nearby, he watched her eyes flit across the page and her lip quirk in amusement.

“I can feel you watching me.” She gave a tight-lipped smile, her eyes never leaving the page. 

He exhaled and strode quickly to her. “I could never sneak by you, my love.”

She placed her book down, reaching up to grasp his cheek. “I missed you,” she whispered.

He’d only been gone for a half a day, but even he admitted each moment was agony. He pushed her back on the chaise, hovering above her. “I missed you more, Daphne,” he murmured, sucking at a particularly sensitive spot just beneath her ear.

She moaned, still rather naive in the ways of the world, as Simon well knew. He pressed his body flush against her, continuing to suck at her neck, while his fingers gently pressed along her sides. She wore a simple gown, and he took great care tugging it up, separating from her momentarily to lift it gently over her head.

He let his gaze drift over her, his hands gently caressing her curves as her wide eyes stayed locked on him. “You’re so beautiful, Daphne,” he whispered, leaning down to kiss her delicate lips. She gripped her hands against his neck, pushing her hips against his and gripping his legs with her own. They were tangled together, limbs tied close as they each sought the other so profoundly.

Simon had missed her as he conducted his business that day, the matters so dull and tedious compared to the beauty breathless beneath him. His mouth left hers and he pressed kisses down her neck, against her breasts and down to her stomach. He looked up to see her continuing to stare at him, wide eyed and mouth agape. He couldn’t help his slight smirk as he deftly pulled down her panties, placing his face between her legs.

He felt something sharp hit his leg but ignored it, rather instead focused on pressing his lips against Daphne’s upper thigh and caressing her folds gently with his calloused fingers. She locked her ankles around his neck, urging him closer and he obeyed, licking and sucking her growing arousal. His fingers followed in tandem, and her ankles tightened further, her hands pushing against his head.

“Simon!” she shouted, her legs shaking.

He ignored another prick, though he felt confident whatever it was had drawn blood. But his wife was so close, so he kept up his ministrations, pressing his tongue against her clit as he pressed his fingers in and out of her. Her legs went limp as she found her release, her fingers loosening from his head.

That’s when he saw it - the claws at her neck. “DAPHNE MOVE!” he shouted and she immediately sat up, falling off the chaise which had somehow grown the most horrific claws.

“Simon, what’s happening?” Daphne asked, naked and now behind Simon. All the doors in the drawing room had mysterious slammed shut and the chaise was somehow moving - it’s treacherous claws clamoring for them.

Simon bravely grabbed a fire poker, attempting to stab the chaise which was standing on its tiny hind legs, it’s claws, which had multiplied, now hovering dangerously close to them.

When the poker broke through the upholstery, rather than the stuffing one would expect to find within furniture, blood poured through. Buckets of dark red blood, thickened from years trapped within the monstrous chaise, oozed towards Simon and Daphne who scooted back, slamming against a 16th century portrait of a long dead relative.

“Daphne,” Simon breathed, blocking her with his arms, “try for the door, go RUN!”

She nodded and sprinted whilst Simon attempted to keep the chaise distracted. It seemed his stabbing did nothing to slow down the grotesque furniture, whose laced embroidery now shifted to resemble eyes. All of them stared at him, while blood continued to ooze out, along with what looked like long, deformed fingernails.

“It’s no use,” Daphne shouted, clobbering at the door, screaming for the servants to no effect.

The chaise lurched forward, it’s horrific claws, shaped like a sharpened femur, slashing out against Simon’s chest. He fought to stay standing, whipping the fire poker with all his remaining strength but it was no use. He slowly collapsed to the ground, his pooled blood intermingling with the unsightly innards of the wretched chaise lounge.

His head turned to the side in his last remaining moments, his gaze glued to his nude wife who tried in vain to escape the monstrosity that had torn him apart. “I love you-” he gasped his last as he watched the chaise literally eat his wife, her screams dying in the back of her throat as her entire being was consumed by the furniture.

* * *

“Simon - SIMON, are you paying attention?” Daphne snapped her fingers in front of his face.

“Sorry, Daph, what’s going on?” he asked, his face paling as he looked at the blood red chaise.

Daphne’s eyes went wide and she flushed slightly. “Dearest husband, this kind man was just telling us about how the chaise has been in his family for years. And he’s willing to offer us quite a good deal on it”

Simon thought of his nightmare - the chaise full of human remains and horror. “It seems like a lovely chaise, but I think we’ll pass.”

**Author's Note:**

> On Tumblr, being completely inept, at [canttouchthis87](https://canttouchthis87.tumblr.com/)


End file.
